The New Barbarians (1982)

Director - Enzo Castellari



A classic in the "pasta-post-nuke" genre of awful movie making in the glory years of the 1980's. I bought this while on a road trip with my friends this last summer and have been salivating at the DVD on my shelf since, so I figured I should probably throw it in soon. This marks my first bad movie of the new year, so thanks to the fine people at Shriek Show DVD for digging up the bones of these awful flicks and letting me watch them with my friends at 4am.


(Amongst the wreckage of a past that once was, lost in the annals of time and the waste of our previous civilization...a hazmat suit for a girl with plastic rack bubbles? God bless it.)

What is there to say about this thing? Another Enzo action flick of sorts with Fred "The Hammer" Williamson doing what they both do best. It's a while into the future (all the way to the year 2019...or 2000 depending on what version of the VHS you got to rent) and obviously it's a world ravaged by nuclear fallout and the subsequent psychopathic marauders of this new wasteland. George Eastman (a vet of these post-nuke awesome-fests) leads these idiotic savages (an obvious metaphor for the Indians of the American wild west) to rape, pillage, and drive around in fucking ridiculous bubble shaped cock pits of what I can only assume are Volkswagen Thing's with battle wear and gun turrets attached to them. They just kind of rock and roll around for a while and find little groups of survivors and then run them over (anyone up for a night of Carmageddon?) or blow them up with "heat guns", or cut them in half with side-mounted spinning blades on their cars. Sounds amazing right? Well...kind of.


(The Scorpion's sweet car and that little kid I want to strangle.)

Ginacarlo Prete (AKA Timothy Brent, who passed away in 2001, may he forever find peace exploding silver spray painted "future" cars and saving the day in his post-apoc heaven) is a kind of mercenary who runs around this no-man's-land helping people out, getting in the way of shit, and just kind of being a total doucher. Dude can't help himself worth shit, The Hammer is there to pick him up and smash some sense into him like ten times in this movie, 'ol Timmy Brent can't even get chicks since The Hammer is too busy stealing the probably infected with nuclear disease chicks that are left from him. He goes around and fights with George Eastman, only to be captured by the marauders and anally raped by Eastman himself....kind of out of left field if you ask me. Dude rape in a post-nuke-Italian movie? I guess just go with it.


("Alma" my post apocalyptic babe crush, huge hair. Huge other stuff. Nice.)

Along the way The Hammer and Prete/Brent befriend a little kid who is a mechanic and all around weird little freak who lives in a trailer (covered in tin-foil and weird lights, because it is the future and all) in what appears to be (one of the much over-used "sets" in a world blown apart by nukes) gravel pit. Make sense? Good. Annnnd why the fuck wouldn't this kid be played by every ones favorite weirdo little Aryan goofball Giovanni Frezza (Bob from House by the Cemetery, and of course Manhattan Baby)? This kid truly frightens me. Anyway, he fixes up The Scorpion's (oh yeah, I forgot, in the future everyone has kick-ass names like "The Scorpion" or "Shadow") sweet ride with a silver skull hood ornament and a new gigantic drill thing to use as a weapon when ripping off The Road Warrior (1981).


(Future Skank. Git 'r done Hammer.)

The Scorpion and Fred Williamson get revenge on the super weird and kinda lonely looking George Eastman in a very western style shoot out. I wont tell you what happens to Eastman, as nothing close to a phallic drill is used to destroy him. I promise I wont spoil anything.


(Best buds The Hammer, and Scorpion hang out by a futuristic looking piece of plastic.)

This is an awesome flick, I'll be straight up. Enzo rips off Mel's Aussie post-nukeness, and it's really fun. For having such a minuscule budget and all that other "film making" crap, they really churned out some amazing stunts, and special effects, and cool costumes. A lot of gravel pits, and not enough burned out remnants of sky scrappers and stuff, but who cares it's Fred Williamson using explosive tipped arrows to blow peoples heads off and stuff. I highly suggest this flick, it may not be the best Enzo movie, but it's miles above some others in the genre. I'm pretty fascinated at this particular little group of Italian movies. The best (or whatever) directors of the time had their hands in post apocalyptic flicks at one point or another, and it's a treat to watch your favorite cannibal movie maker, or giallo maestro blow shit up in a nuclear holocaust.



7/10