Midnight Meat Train? More like Midnight "Who gives a shit?" Train. Clive Barker wrote and produced this piece of garbage and some Japanese dude who probably thinks "Ringu" and "Ju-on" are the end-all, be-all of horror movies directed it. If that's not a recipe for failure, I don't know what is.
There was some hubbub over this movie because Lions Gate, a company that will typically fully back any remotely "shocking" movie, relegated this little guy to like 100 second-rate theaters for like a week or some shit. So no one saw it while it was out in theaters and so now it's being shown exclusively on FearNet on OnDemand. God help us all.
So, the jock fiancée from "Wedding Crashers" plays a sniveling dipshit New York photographer who is trying to "capture the city as it really is because no one's ever done it before." Okay…..right. Anyways, he becomes obsessed with this dude he sees on the subway, played by Vinnie Jones, and starts following him around. It all
goes down the shitter from there.
The movie starts out with some promise as it falsely presents itself as a mindless slasher with some mysterious, remorseless killer. And then it tries to go beyond that with some shitty convoluted plot that's so predictable it's embarrassing. It's not scary, it's not exploitative, and it's not entertaining; it just sucks. There are some decent gore moments, but it's overshadowed by the predominantly shitty CG gore and retarded camera tricks. The ol' spinning camera trick may look totally awesome in Michael Bay movies like "Bad Boys II," but here it just looks like a Korn video circa 2000. Not a good look.
Did I mention the shitty nu-metal-ness of this movie? Visually, it looks like "Saw" on a subway train. Take one part Disturbed, two parts Hot Topic, a dash of ICP and top it all off with a camera lens filtered so dark that you can't see a god damn thing and you've got "Midnight Meat Train." Should be reserved strictly for viewing out of sheer curiosity or if you just really hate yourself that much.
-Eric Sanford
3 comments:
Shame. I am real excited to see this flick. I love Clive Barker. Good review!
- Ben S.
Same, who are we kidding, we'll still see it.
Man as a fan of Clive Barker for the past couple of years, its shitty to see how he can be bullied into shitty changes in movies he helps produce.
I still wanna see it, and see how they pull of the old dudes at the end.
BTW...
Your blog fuckin rules.
Bookmarked and everything!
Post a Comment